9 AM Meaty Session: Kayla the Snow Crash

Kayla the Snow Crash has a very zippy roll,
With her purple hair and her gnarly toes,
And two laces made of coal.
Kayla the Snow Crash is a roller girl they say,
She was made of snow but the Meaties
Know how she came to coach one day. 

There must of have been some magic in that
Old skate wheel they found.
For when they placed it on her skate
She began to skate around.
O, Kayla the Snow Crash
Was as mean as she could be.
And the Meaties say she could yell
And frown just the same as Miss Tiki.

Skatetty skate skate
Skatetty skate skate
Look at Snow Crash go.
Skatetty skate skate
Skatetty skate skate
Round the track goes Snow.

Kayla the Snow Crash knew
The track was fast that day
So she said, “Let’s roll and we’ll have some fun,
Now before I skate away.”
Down to the curl club,
With a whistle in her hand
Skating here and there all
Around the track saying,
Catch me if you can.

She led them through the track of doom
Right to the tomahawk stop.
And they only paused a moment when
They hear her holler “Stop!”
For Kayla the Snow Crash
Had to hurry on her way
But she waved goodbye saying,
“Don’t you cry, I’ll be back to coach next day.

Skatetty skate skate
Skatetty skate skate
Look at Snow Crash go.
Skatetty skate skate
Skatetty skate skate
Round the track goes Snow.

Raw Meat “Meaty” Roller Skating Sesson: 9 AM, Saturday June 9

So, as your crack deductive powers may have put together, Snow Crash will be coaching our advanced roller skating session at the Royal City Curling Club (75 6th Avenue East, New Westminster) from 9 AM to 11 AM on June 9. That’s right—it’s one hour early! But don’t be sad, that gives you lots of time for a nap before the the TCRG’s All-Stars VS. Portland’s Axles of Annihilation at Minoru Arena!

Who Can Come to a Raw Meat Meaty Session:

Raw Meat Meaty sessions are roller skating/roller derby lessons for skilled skaters wanting to improve their skating chops, and learn mad roller derby skills. Even though we practice roller derby drills, our sessions are strictly non-contact. Raw Meat Meaty Sessions have skill requirements.  You can only skate at a Meaty session if you have passed the Raw Meat Basic Skills test, or if you are a current skater or on-skate referee with the TCRG.

If you are new to Raw Meat, please attend our Lamb sessions on Saturdays from 5-7 PM at Thunderbird Community Centre, 2311 Cassiar St., and speak to a coach about when you will be ready for the Meaty sessions. Our Lamb sessions are for all levels of roller skaters to learn new skills and have fun. If we are not familiar with your skating, you will not be allowed to skate at a Raw Meat Meaty session.

There is no afternoon Raw Meat session at Thunderbird on June 9, because of the bout at Minoru Arena, but we will resume on June 16. We are running our usual 5-7 sessions Saturdays at Thunderbird all summer, so come on out if you can’t make a morning session. Or, if you feel like getting even more awesome into your day, come on down and make it a Double Meat Saturday.

The Rules:

Everyone at a Raw Meat Meaty session must sign a waiver saying that they accept the risks of roller skating. No waiver, no skating.

All skaters must abide by our strict non-contact rule. We do not allow hitting, pushing or overly aggressive skating. Any skater engaging in contact will be asked to leave immediately. We do allow hip/arm whips, and safe touching of teammates. (If you aren’t comfortable grabbing people, you should probably take up badminton instead!)

All skaters must wear full safety gear (knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards, helmets AND mouth guards) while skating. The floor at the Curling Club is very hard, and you must keep your gear on while you are on the skating floor.

We have two simple rules at Raw Meat: 1. Don’t be an Ass-Hat. 2. Be Safe. There is zero tolerance for breaking these rules.

Getting There:

The Royal City Curling Club is on numerous bus routes. If you are driving, there is plenty of free parking. If you can give someone else a ride, please do so!
See You All Saturday!